[Tom Houlihan]

Three women: one engaged, one married and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men. That night all three will wear black leather bras, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes. After a few days they meet up for lunch.

The engaged woman: The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, You are the woman of my life. I love you. Then we made love all night long.

The mistress: Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night.

The married woman: I sent the kids to stay at my mothers house for the night. When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said, “What's for dinner, Batman?”
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In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.
Pfizer Corp announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO. **************
Why it's important to understand English
I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank. I stood in the short line.
Just one lady in front of me . . . an Asian lady, who was trying to exchange yen for dollars, and she was a little irritated. She kept asking the teller, "Why it change?? Why it change?? Why it change??"
Then she continued, "Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I get ony hunat eighty dolla?? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, simply and carefully, "Fluctuations."
The Asian lady glares at the banker, "Fluc you white people, too!"
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SITTING BEHIND A COUPLE OF NUNS AT A Detroit Red Wing Hockey GAME
(WHOSE HABITS PARTIALLY BLOCKED THEIR VIEW), THREE MEN DECIDED TO BADGER THE NUNS IN AN EFFORT TO GET THEM TO MOVE.

IN A VERY LOUD VOICE, THE FIRST GUY SAID, 'I THINK I'M GOING TO MOVE TO UTAH , THERE ARE ONLY 100 NUNS LIVING THERE.'

THE SECOND GUY SPOKE UP AND SAID, 'I WANT TO GO TO MONTANA , THERE ARE ONLY 5O NUNS LIVING THERE.'

THE THIRD GUY SAID, 'I WANT TO GO TO IDAHO , THERE ARE ONLY 25 NUNS LIVING THERE.'

ONE OF THE NUNS TURNED AROUND, LOOKED AT THE MEN, AND IN A VERY SWEET, CALM VOICE SAID, 'WHY DON'T YOU GO TO HELL THERE AREN'T ANY NUNS THERE.'
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Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Arlene: What in the hell is that?
Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Arlene: Where did you get it?
Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.
The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.
'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'
The pharmacist fainted.
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A little girl walks in to the sitting room one Sunday morning while her Dad is reading the paper.
She asks 'Daddy, where does poo come from?'
The father feeling a little perturbed that his 5 year old daughter is already asking difficult questions thinks for a moment and says:
'Well you know we just ate breakfast?'
'Yes,' answers the girl.
'Well the food goes into our tummies and our bodies squeeze out all the good stuff, and then all of the bad that is left over comes out of our bums when we go to the toilet, and that is poo.'
The little girl looks shocked, and stares, at him with watery eyes in stunned silence for a few seconds then asks:
'So where does Tigger come from then?'