[McCoy]

What doctors say, and what they're really thinking:

"This should be taken care of right away." I'd planned a trip
to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I
want to fix it before it cures itself.

"Welllllll, what have we here...?" He has no idea and is hoping
you'll give him a clue.

"Let me check your medical history." I want to see if you've
paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.

"Why don't we make another appointment later in the week." I'm
playing golf this afternoon, and this is a waste of time. --or-- I
need the bucks, so I'm charging you for another office visit.

"We have some good news and some bad news." The good news is,
I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to
pay for it.

"Let's see how it develops." Maybe in a few days it will grow
into something that can be cured.

"Let me schedule you for some tests." I have a forty percent
interest in the lab.

"I'd like to have my associate look at you." He's going through
a messy divorce and owes me a bundle.

"I'd like to prescribe a new drug." I'm writing a paper and
would like to use you for a guinea pig.

"If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call." I don't
know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.

"That's quite a nasty looking wound." I think I'm going to
throw up.

"This may smart a little." Last week two patients bit off their
tongues.

"Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?" I'm
stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here?

"This should fix you up." The drug company slipped me some big
bucks to prescribe this stuff.

"Everything seems to be normal." Rats! I guess I can't buy that
new beach condo after all.

"I'd like to run some more tests." I can't figure out what's
wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.

"Do you suppose all this stress could be affecting your
nerves?" You're crazier'n an outhouse rat. Now, if I can only
find a shrink who'll split fees with me ...

"There is a lot of that going around." My God, that's the third
one this week. I'd better learn something about this.

"If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment." I've
never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I'm off next
week.