Favorite Quotes From The Simpsons

[McCoy]

Scully: Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do you understand?
Homer: Yes. (lie dectector blows up)

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Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

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Mr.Burns: Quick Smithers. Bring the mind eraser device!
Smithers:You mean the revolver, sir?
Mr.Burns: Precisely.

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Laywer: Well, what about that tatoo on your chest? Doesn't it say Die, Bart, Die?
Sideshow Bob: No, that's German for 'The Bart, The."
Parole Judge: No one who speaks German can be an evil man! Parole Granted!

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Groundskeeper Willie: It won't last. Brothers and sisters are natural enemies. Like Englishmen and Scots! Or Welshmen and Scots! Or Japanese and Scots! Or Scots and other Scots! Damn Scots! They ruined Scotland!
Principal Skinner: You Scots sure are a contentious people.
Groundskeeper Willie: You just made an enemy for life!

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Groundskeeper Willy: Lunchlady Doris, have you got any grease?
Lunchlady Doris: Yes. Yes, we do.
Groundskeeper Willy: [rips off his clothes] Then grease me up, woman!
Lunchlady Doris: ...Okey-dokey.

[cyberia]

Mmmm...forbidden doughnut!

Mmmm...$50 Pretzel

Mmmmm...Soylent Green.

Mmmmm...sweet-mint-jula

Mmmmm...urinal fresh...

Mmmm...unprocessed fish sticks

Mmmm....pork fat.

Mmmmm...mediciney

Mmmm...organized crime

Mmmmm...floor pie

Mmmmm...elephant fresh

Mmmmm...Rancid meat

[Panzermacher]

Groundskeeper Willie: There's nuthin faster than a greased Scotsman!

Homer:Saxamaphone! Saxamaphone!

Nelson: Hah-hah!

Smithers: Shall I release the hounds Sir?
Homer: And the Bees? and the hounds with bees? And the hounds that have mouthfuls of bees? and the hounds that shoot bees out of their mouths?
Mr.Burns: No! Release the Robotic Richard Simmons!

[cyberia]

Beer, is there anything it can't do?

[Panzermacher]

Homer with the Giant Cotton candy sugar ball: AH! Ants! AHH! Birds! AHHH! Cats! AHHH! Flandersessses!

[cyberia]

Bart-"I think its ironic that Dad's butt for once stopped the escape of toxic gas."

[Geek44]

Lisa; 'Don't you have anything vegetarian?'
Lunchlady doris; 'Just these hotdog buns...they're full of bunly goodness.'

'Duffman is thrusting in the direction of the problem.'

Store security man Brodka; 'If I ever catch you in this store again, it's off to juvenile hall. Kapiche?!'

Bart; 'Everything except 'kapiche'.'

[cyberia]

Apu-Mr. Homer leave my store at once. And come again.

[salinator]

I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman. - Homer Simpson

[Geek44]

James Woods; 'Hey, like you're Apu, you, you're like, THE guy, hey, hey tell me...is it true you once worked like ninety-six hours without a break?!'

Apu; 'Yes...I thought I was a hummingbird of some sort. In a moment, I try to drink nectar out of Sanjay's head.'