Hey Guys! Can I get a little wedding advice?

[Biscuit]

Its all gotten extremely complicated, but here goes...

My sister was married briefly last year and I dropped everything to be at the wedding, including two over-time shifts. Shortly after her divorce, she met this really great guy and I am pretty sure they will be together forever. When she was talking about dates, I told her that I could not make a wedding in July/August becuase I make 60% of my yearly salary in those weeks with the majority of that being on the weekends.

After assuring me that she wouldn't, they picked August 2. I want to be there, but with a reccession, some of my money already spent for fall travel (airline/hotel), and the fact that I will be unemployed for 2.5 months it's a little disconcerting to take off for a wedding. She keeps pushing the issue, saying that its so important to her and that she loves me so much. But if it was so important, it seems like she would have picked one of the other 10 months of the year.

I am thinking about going home because I am afraid I will regret it one day. But, sometimes she takes advantage of me and I also think maybe I should stick by my guns as I told her beforehand that I would NOT attend a July/Ausgust wedding.

Any input would be welcome guys. Thanks!

[cyberia]

You seem to be a very reasonable, level headed person, Heather. If you feel you are being taken advantage of, you probably are.

If it were me, I'd stick to my guns.

[McCoy]

I'd say stand fast n' hold the fort!

You've made it clear to your sister that it's a bad time for you n' she clearly disrespects you in this as respect works in two directions n' not just in one way. I see no way for your sister to cover your financial loss by attending her second weddin' in roughly a years time.

My take on it is that you'll regret it either way you chose to do, but I know for a fact that you'll regret it more in the end if you dont put down your foot now n' say no as you clearly have stated that you won't be able to attend a weddin' in July/August.

n' yes, she's takin' advantage of you n' that has to end so why not now? She'll be grumpy for a while but family is Family n' blood is still thicker than water.

[Hagen]

Do what your heart tells you. It's easy for us to sit here and give you advice, but you're the only one who knows what you mean to each other.

[Brin]

Hi H,

Only just joined the forum, and not knowing each other, I would be giving advice as a stranger. If inappropriate then please ignore or have this response deleted.

Whichever option you choose will be correct in some respects, but also the wrong one for others. No real happy medium either way. As Hagen mentioned you will have to go with you heart. But the following could be used as indicators:-

How sure are you that you your sister has found the ‘one’ this time? How different does the scenario to the second marriage appear compared to her first marriage? No different or an absolute certainty?

Assuming that you have clearly explained to your sister how difficult it will be financially for you to attend, you could ask her to fund your attendance. Weddings are not normally a cheap event, whereas in comparison, a flight internal to the USA is not that much. If she hesitates or flinches it will tell you something about her commitment regarding your attendance.

These questions are very direct, but with such a tough decision you need to be sure whichever way you decide. As McCoy states; blood is thicker than water.

[Jim O]

I'm going to buck the trend here but I say if you can't convince her to wait go to the wedding anyway. It sucks, you're being screwed and taken advantage of, but it's your sister. She's always been your sister and always will be your sister. Money will come and go. If you skip the wedding it may well cause hurt that will take years to heal, if ever it does. I'm guessing based on your young age that one or both of your parents is still living. It's likely that you and she both will outlive them along with your other siblings if any. I'm in that position (both parents dead many years) and it's an awful thing to think about not having a close relationship with my one brother. I have a great wife (15 years tomorrow) and three great children, but none know me since my earliest memories, and none shared my childhood with me. Bridges burnt are hard to rebuild.

[kentek]

I'm with Jim on this one, Heather. Family trumps all. You should cherish every moment with them. You can never know what the future holds. Rather than trying to take advantage of you, maybe she wants to share her happiness with her Sis.

[cyberia]

Know what, Ken and Jim's words have changed my view and I concede.

I have no siblings left, only a few regrets.

Trust me Heather, there is more to lose in a life time than money.

[Biscuit]

This all goes a long ways, though I am with McCoy that I will regret either decision. The parents have conceded airfare and hotel (Becuase they gave my room away - not helping!).

Maybe there is a time to stand firm, but this isn't it. I don't think they understood how seriously the pressure was mounting until I blew a gasket today and spoke to my parents in a way I never have even thought of speaking. In addition to the airfare/housing supplment, they agreed to drop the issue and they will only discuss it if/when I want to.

I am thinking that Jim's statement is the one thing that has really reverberated the most, though all were welcome. And Brin, you are always welcome to weigh in! Don't even think twice about it!

[Geek44]

Two points. First, Brin, when you sign up here...you're a 'full-member' straight away and thus 'one of the gang'. We don't much stand on ceremony here so your opinions are welcome.
Second, I guess it all depends on what kind of relationship one has with one's family. If it was me, I would probably not go because I'd have made my case as you have and if this guy is indeed 'the one' (whatever that means) then waiting to marry him for another month or two wouldn't matter much. I guess you'd have to weigh up how difficult your life wil be if you attend the wedding rather than earning the money. Sure, money comes and goes but you have to eat and sleep under a roof. I've been hungry and cold and believe me, when you're hungry...it doesn't matter one whit who loves you and who doesn't. My two cents.